Sunday, October 26, 2008

And, in other news....

This weekend has been a catching up kind of one. It was spent pottering about, getting garden beds ready for mulching; planting bits and pieces and starting to organise my kitchen.

Since we've started talking about this move, I've been thinking a great deal about what I need. Stuff like Jars, boxes, containers...all that type of thing. And until this weekend, I've not really had anywhere to put them.

So, I started re-arranging my cupboards. And, so far, I have entire cupboard to use for storage of jars etc. Hopefully we'll get a decent lot of tomatos this year, and I can start making sauces and things.

We figure if we start living the way we want down here, it will be easier to continue when we get there. Instead of 'starting', we'll be 'expanding'.

G was working all this weekend, so today I took the kids to R's big school fete. He was so very excited to go to his 'big boy school' so he could show C around. There were people and facepaint and fairy floss; the boys had a ball.

They went down this enormous slide and loved it. I was terrified C would lose a limb on the way down, but he was very pleased to be able to say he'd done it.

In other good news; I WON A COMPETITION!!! First thing I have EVER won.

Eileen had a competition about whacky chocolate tales. Well, maybe not whacky, but tales nonetheless. And that tale has never given me anything but embarassment. Embarassment that A. I sleepwalk. B. I thought I'd had a slight accident at 19 years of age and C. that I'd actually dreamt of chocolate.

But, it has won me a pack of fair trade chocolate! Thank you so very much Eileen!

Friday, October 24, 2008

I got my back fixed...

And then burst an ear drum.

If you can believe it. I can't. It's unbelievably unfair. Two different health professionals in the SAME DAY seems a bit wrong somehow.

I am currently feeling 110% better than I did 12 hours ago. But I'm very lopsided and when I cough I get dizzy.

I went to the manipulator yesterday morning - sorted. I'll have some decent bruises, but hell. Where's the good without the pain anywhere in the world??

Get home and potter around, feeling on top of the world because I CAN MOVE AGAIN!!!

Right ear feels like I need to yawn to pop it. No go. Continue on.

An hour after that - I am thinking 'something HAS to be stuck in here because it's starting to REALLY hurt'. Get friend to pick up R for kinder and organise a doctor appointment at a strange new place (hey, beggars can NOT be choosers, but the new place turned out to be lovely). And, hindsight; I am SO glad I booked this appointment; because, I'm sure it saved me.

Two hours after the initial 'ooh my ears need popping' - I am at the chemist, SOBBING, whilst they make up my 1000mg antibiotics, eardrops and panadeine FORTE prescription. Painful much??

I heart my mother though; kids were sorted in about 10 minutes. She came, she picked up, she dealt with.

Me? I died.

I've now had three rounds of AB's and this morning it only feels like it's incredibly blocked. Until I cough and nearly fall over because I've lost my balance.

Hands up if you want to be ME this week!!!?????

Thursday, October 23, 2008


I've always thought that everyone has some sort of disability. Some are easy to spot, whilst others, much like myself, are a little harder.

Well, not this week anyway.

I've done my back. Well, no, I correct that. My muscle in my lower back has twisted and is causing THE most awful pain down both my legs. Like Sciatica, but both legs and all the time.

Crutches are fun with two kids. NOT. But, it shall be sorted today by the manipulator. She's so good it's scary - I often feel like an evangelist walking out. I hobble in with crutches; and walk out tall, tossing my crutches exclaiming 'oh thank the lord'. Picture Sunday morning TV and you've got me. But, the feeling of having a muscle of four untwisted is something I cannot explain, and something I find very difficult to subject myself too. But, for those 5 minutes of unbelievable; the end of the constant 'zzzt' pain comes. Straight away. Then, for about 3 weeks, I have bruises that would put Rocky's opponent to shame. In the weirdest places.

Anyway. Back to disabilities.

I cannot believe how differently you are treated. Hey, I know it's only crutches today; but the day before I was limping around like nobodies business through the supermarket. It's disgusting. Truly beyond me just how disgusting and awful some people are. I'm lucky; mine is sorted today; but to imagine living with this behaviour of other people just shows me how remarkable those with permanent physical disabilities really are.

No one could care less. And that scares me.

My general disability is emotional. I am emotionally retarded; I have this lack of ability to make myself vulnerable. Something that no one sees unless they are close enough to notice.

I think I prefer my disability to that on the outside.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

The morning after

I hate the morning after. Really do not like the morning after.

We had some friends over last night who we haven't seen for agges. They are our camping buddies; when we go, they come with. All the time. Every time.

You can only camp with certain people I reckon. Otherwise, after awhile, the other party can reeallly start getting on your nerves.

But not this family. Anyway, I digress.

In the midst of a beautiful afternoon yesterday, we thought we'd invite them over. They weren't busy either, so they made the big drive across and spent the evening with us.

We had so much fun. Laughing, joking, debating all over crappy games of cards where Georgie and I would try and care we'd lost a hand.

E - traipsing around the back yard picking flowers and leaves for her wedding (don't know who to) and K - wanting so much to be the teenager he just isn't yet; that awkward stage between child and teen.

We all had a ball. We all had a late night and we all had a good night. Few too many wines, far too little sleep, but just enough laughs.

Then; the next day.

I hate the next day. I had such good intentions too.

Monday, October 13, 2008

What did I do this weekend??

We had an utterly delightful weekend here; something that (I felt) was long overdue. No plans, no schedules; just 2 whole days of blissful weather and a backyard.

Friday night was mine. And, as much as I love my family, I crave alone time. Time for me to just listen to my music, potter about, read my cards if the feeling strikes, or go to bed with a good book. That was Friday night.

Saturday was a busy one. From the vegie patch, where I planted out Tomatoes, chillis, capsciums, lettuces, more strawberries, & spinach, up to Bills cage where it got a complete and utter clear out.

Then, it was onto the decking.

Alongside our decking, we have some pretty tall james stirlings that, for reasons unbeknownst to me, have thrived in the rock hard clay ground that is their bed. They are extremely well established. But, when it came time to work out mulch, white pebbles were what we used. Only because normal mulch is so messy, and the fact that the bed was completely viewable whilst on the deck nailed the option. But, I also cut up some polypipe and made it into 'pot art'.

For the last 4 years, they have been orange. Not because I like orange (as a matter of fact it's my least favorite colour); but painting them??

Well. Saturday, I did. And they look pretty cool. In them, I put some impatiens . They will look so pretty against the green!!

Back to the rocks. They are really great (but do NOTHING for the soil) as a mulch; but the bad thing is, all the leaves and stuff the wind picks up leaves them ontop of the stones. Making it look really quite messy.

So, I turned over all the pebbles (trust me, I have a cool right bicep!) to try and get the leaves down to the bottom. Eventually, they will compost, giving their owners some nutrients at the same time. But, geez it came up nicely!!

Then, I went off to work on my pots. The sweet peas that darling Jenn had given me awhile back had finished, so I cut off all the dead bits and just generally tended to the newly forming buds and shoots of my spring pots. I have a few pots on the deck; most of them are double planted; i.e. bulbs etc for different seasons are planted together to get full use of the pots/space and I have colour all round. Some pots hold perennials and some hold little shrubs.

I transplanted my gardenia awhile back and I don't know what is wrong with it. It used to be a beautiful, showy, glossy showpiece; these days it's looking like a dirty, plastic fake plant. I've fed it, I've watered it....on googling, they are apparently pretty hard to keep; so I should consider myself lucky that this was 5 years old!!

Yesterday was much the same as Saturday; but a lot more easy paced. Watered the plants from the washing water, the kids jumped in the spa (which they use as a pool) whilst the car racing was on.

Where was G?? Bathurst. And his team won, so he was pretty happy. And the camera? up there with him; wasted on car racing. ;)

Friday, October 10, 2008

Just a few random thoughts….

Things are going relatively well at the moment. Nothing riveting is going on.

Apart from losing internet connection that is.

And moving to the farm.

Mum took it as I thought she would. Well. She quietly chuckled when I asked her to anticipate my fathers response, but I think we both know that he'll be ok in time.

So, by the looks, we're doing it. Slowly though; none of this rushing up there and regretting it type stuff. We half aim to be up there when Connor starts school; so 2011. A year to ponder, a year to *do* and then we're off.

Obviously in that time we have many discussions to have, agreements and disagreements included. But, the way I see it, the more we agree/disagree and bring up issues, the more prepared I feel we'll be.

My fathers reaction is probably the biggest thing holding me back. Not in a sense of 'ohmygod I can't do anything because of what my father says' but because it WILL upset him and I don't like upsetting people at the best of times; especially not my dad.

But he'll deal. It just might take a little while.

I will be back soon – hopefully my innerwebs will be fixed shortly.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Beautiful day (weather at least!!)

It's early(ish) and it's raining. Definately Melbourne; it was an absolutely beautiful day yesterday. Except for two incidents.

#1 - Got the boys up yesterday and wondered why R wasn't bounding out of bed. Assuming he'd done an accident, went in to sort him out.
"Mum, I did an accident" was the first thing he said.
"Ok mate, lets get you up"
"No mum, I did an accident in the toilet"
*suprised* (and wonders how one has an accident in the toilet)

I wander into the toilet, expecting to see a wee that has missed; but noooo. #2. on.the.floor.
Apparently he had a dream. Ace.

#2. Whilst dressing the younger one, R comes in panicking. I thought he was choking, so grabbed him, got down on his level and said 'mate, can you breathe???'

He nodded his head.

Then vomited.

Lets hope this week goes better hey?

PS: R seems fine. He's eating, playing, doing all of the normal things so....????

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

That gnawing in my gut

Obviously there must be bad parts to leaving. One will definitely be this place. For 13 years I have been here and for thirteen years I have helped create this place. I will miss what it meant to me; and what I meant to it.

It's not the case now. I am not needed anymore and I feel I have paid my dues. Two people are going to be very angry with me initially. One; my father. At least, I think he will be; and I'm almost 100% positive at one point I will receive the 'after all I've done for you' spiel.

I am grateful for all the opportunities that this place has given me; both workwise and otherwise. But, am I forever to remain here living my life by paying dues? Or, do I stop existing in this world and start living in it? He will also be gutted about his grandchildren leaving; but on the flip side, us leaving will give him more of a reason to get up off his butt and come visit us.

My sister will also be angry; but more of a vengeful, selfish type of angry. My leaving takes her 'power' (if you will), away. She won't be 'my boss' any longer and I will no longer have to abide by 'the rules'. She will be where I am at some point in time, and no doubt blame me for leaving her with no other option. But, there is a choice. There is always a choice.

I am excited about moving; but very fearful of telling my family. After all that is said and done; I've never really left them before. And, more and more, I am feeling I need to. I need to live my life.

Today, I will give my mother an idea as to our plans. She will be my strength and my ally against the forces that are my father and sister. She'll understand, although she'll be sad; she'll understand and she will fight for my choice as much as I would fight for my choice. My mother is a person whose opinion (on most things.. ;) ) I respect immeasurably; so to have her opinion on what we propose to do might just do something to alleviate this raw energy swirling around my gut.

Grant wants to build a house on some of his parents land. Not close to them, mind, but close enough to remain a support to us. But, I don't want a McMansion on some acreage. I want an old farm house, with sheds that have so many stories to tell. Haystacks that have replenished themselves over decades of hard work. Old crevices and nooks and crannies in a house that make it a home. I don't want new and perfect.

This, and many other topics have and will be covered in the coming months. But, until I get my mother's blessing; or, if not her blessing, her advice; this gnawing in my gut will continue.

But, hope springs eternal. And, when I get too wound up, I just tell myself that I can always 'do nothing'. Nothing has to change unless we want it to. But, more and more, doing nothing inspires almost as much fear in me as moving. I cannot live another 13 years like this. I will not live another 13 years of this.

And, as a sidenote; see Wall-E. Show your kids, teach your kids about the realness of this. Whilst I cannot imagine us being on such a ship in space; us not being able to live here anymore is a very real one. It brings tears to my eyes that there is a possibility that even our grandchildren will never see what we have taken for granted for so long.