Wafflings on a Wednesday....

It's funny how sometimes, you look at someone and just know that you understand exactly how they are feeling. Because, you've felt your face pull that exact same expression and your eyes change just like that.

It happened with someone today. And, it got me thinking. How little we really know anyone. How so much of it is full of airs, graces, 'the right way' - how much of a person is truly real?

How many people are brave enough to open up and show everyone exactly who they really are? I used to think I was one of them; but since growing up, I realised I'm not even close.

Maybe that is what the meaning of life is. To get brave enough to just be yourself.

*hic*

After getting this magnificent receipe from MIL, I thought I'd give it a go and take a bottle of it to our friends place on Saturday night.

I was astounded at how nice it was!!!

IRISH CREAM

1 - Tin condensed milk (I used skim condensed milk - it's all about the calories you know!!)

1 - small tub cream (I used light cream)

1 - large tablespoon chocolate topping

1 - teaspoon coffee

1/4 - teaspoon coconut essence (don't go too overboard with this, it's potent)

3 - Eggs

Blend all together until coffee has dissolved.

Add 1.5 cups whiskey (I had some cheap stuff here and it worked fine)

It is yummmmy!!! Particulary in place of milk in your evening coffee on a cold winters evening.

Enjoy!!

LEST WE FORGET

This time, 93 years ago, thousands of people died. Not via some natural means; an earthquake, storm or flood. They died because they believed in their cause. That, what they were ultimately fighting for meant something. So that we, as Australians, could continue our way of life.

I don't believe that war is right. Or needed, or just, or anything but sending a group of young men & women off to their ultimate death. Or, if not death, probably a fate just as bad. Nightmares, visions - either way; you are changed forever I imagine.

I don't care why these people were where they were over the years. Fact is, they were there. Each and every one of them held a belief that they could change things. It is for that belief, that I say thanks. That I remember. That I respect. And shed a tear for.

"They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old; Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. At the going down of the sun and in the morning we will remember them."

Thank you. Thank you for believing that you could make a difference. Because, ultimately, it is you we owe thanks for our quality of life today.

The ghosts of lives gone past

This weekend was a nice one. We headed off yesterday up to see G, who has been away for work. The kids were great, we had a really lovely time with G and we all cuddled up on the couch with a DVD after dinner.

Today we went to a place where I spent a massive amount of my childhood. Every weekend, from about September to June, every year for 10 years was spent here. And, I wanted to see just what the drought (and 10 years) had done to it.

The water used to come up to about 5 meters beyond that fence. Now, you can't even see it.

It is sad to see. I remembered so much about that foreshore; ghosts of friends gone by, days gone by and all sorts of things happening on that foreshore. Looking at it now, makes me want to cry.

Walking down for about a kilometre. That is all that is left of this beautiful place. So....desolate. Lonely. Forgotten.

We meandered back to where life was again and I spent an hour or so in a time warp. Just staring at the old caravans, remembering who was in there, what they meant to me; what we all did together. How it's gone forever.

Our old caravan was just awful. The people who have it now obviously don't care about the place; but then, it felt like a ghost town; so maybe they just don't bother anymore? There was no one there, but there were still caravans everywhere.

My best friends caravan was there; standing on her porch remembering so much; it just hit home just how much of life just gets wasted. On stupid things. Little things. Things that just do not matter in 10 years time.

I think that is what upsets me most about the drought. The loss.

Learning to be a grown up.

I used to wonder how older people didn't feel older. They always said "I felt the same way as I did when I was 16".

Now, I still don't consider myself old. Yet, I relate completely to that. I am older, wiser (that would be questionable at the minute) and more experienced in life; yet, I still feel the same me as I was when I was younger.

I always thought that one day, I would just wake up and be an adult. "All growned up" so to speak. But, that switch hasn't flipped. Is it meant to? Do you wake up one day and feel like you're a grown up? Because, if that is the case, mine is broken.

Sometimes I feel like a fraud. I, me, am the mother of 2 children. It sounds so bizarre. That I am in charge of creating these beings; that I am in charge of teaching them everything that encumbers a person that I want so much for them to be. I don't want to be in charge of teaching them religion; I personally don't believe in any of it, but obviously, if they are interested, then we can find out together. I don't want to teach them how to count, and that you need to put your seatbelt on before we leave, and that you simply must share with your brother.

I want to teach them about right and wrong towards themselves and others. How to like yourself and be proud of everything you have accomplished, without that resounding arrogance that is alive and well. That, they will fail sometimes. But, for every failure is another possible lesson - that no failure is a failure if you have learnt from it. That, taking a chance is okay; because I will always be there to help them if they fall.

I don't want to teach them about savings and responsibility (although, obviously I will). I want to teach them about being true to themselves, loving themselves, and loving like you have never loved before. To get through heartache; to love and lose. The joy and happiness that comes when you are true to yourself. In whatever they do, so long as they care and are passionate - I don't care what they do. How to be happy.

I want to teach them that we, as a race, are not the be all and end all; and that our arrogance is destroying us. That arrogance is not a great trait to have in any form; that love, trust and compassion are worth far more. That, our animals and our environment are just as important as us (if not more so); and as such, deserve the same respect and care we give ourselves.

I want to teach them all of this - but how can I teach them when I don't know the answers myself? I fumble through as best I can; but I have no idea if any way is the right way; let alone mine!

All I can do is teach them what I know to be true. Not from books or theories or what should happen - but what I feel, in my heart, is right. And let them take from that what they will.

I hope so much I don't destroy them.

For those who have posted comments - Lex, Melissa, Lenny, Jenn - I am fine. Truly. Sometimes, I get lost in my headspace and forget to be a grown up. I am a grown up again; albeit reluctantly.

The last goodbye.

and this time, I mean it.

Bah.

Just that. Bah.

Ever do something REALLLLY stupid?? Something is settled, finished, done and dusted. And then, one evening of weakening just brings everything back to the start?

Yeah. I'm right there.

Ick. At least it's good for weight loss.

Annnnnddd......crasshhh

Obviously it was bound to happen. The crash, that is. Because, I had the audacity to mention the H word - it's all fallen in a heap again. I, officially, have a cold annndddd tonsilitis. Please, kill me now!!!!

I am rather a drama queen; things aren't quite so dire here. The week that was saw a week of nice weather

(as opposed to the gale forced winds of last week), a winter vegie patch planted out (except for Broccoli, I couldn't find that anywhere, but will keep looking)

(PS - there are seeds in there too - I'm not that bad!!!)

and a lovely, if not busy, week with the kids.

Rileys Kinder teacher called me back after kinder yesterday. That "Hi Shel" tone of voice usually has me worried. It's like WHAT. What is wrong with him now??

But, I was really suprised. And happy. And proud. His kinder teacher has told me how amazed she is in the change in him post grommets. "A complete 180" quote unquote. And that now she realises why I was pushing so hard and getting so frustrated with getting these things back in.

His confidence has just soared (which, in itself has positives and negatives) and he is starting to want to try new things and get more involved. But, my theory was always "wouldn't you be a little bit reserved when you are trying to learn new things and you can't hear anything clearly???" So, a definate plus for us there. I am doing kinder duty in a couple of weeks, and parent / teacher interviews are soon, so I am hoping for more feedback as the term goes on.

Connor did his first poo on the toilet the other night. And the second on my shoe. And the really feral part???? My darling dog. I can't even put the sentence together it was so foul. But, suffice to say, there weren't that much of a mess to clean up by the time I got the paper towels etc organised.

Grant being away - is hard, but at the same time, it really hits home just how far we've come since the last time he was gone. I'm not going up there this weekend because I'm sick and he has to work both Saturday and Sunday; but already I'm looking forward to next weekend.

This weekend I am hoping for a bit of a bum around the house and try and get rid of this evil cold kinda weekend. Mum and Dad will probably have the kids overnight one night, so I can have a bit of a rest and a bit of a sleep. But, just pottering around here and drinking lemon tea will probably do me the world of good.

Work today (which I will probably get sent home from, but I have to at least try and get in - in my fathers world, if you don't come in to work, you simply must require the services of a hospital) and then a weekend. Without G, but with the kids - and 2 out of 3 aint bad.

Happy

Utterly. For, as fragile as this feeling is, it is truly the most magnificent on earth.

Hoorayyy!!!

Finally all the mess (well, most of it) from our breeze the other day is sorted. 7 bags and 2 bins later....

Today is the day I get to plant out my winter vegies. It's a little late this year, but given G is away, daylight savings has gone and every weekend lately has been busy with this, that or the other thing...

I am wanting to plant some tomatos (which I think I'll put in a pot this year), some beans, peas, broccoli, beetroot, carrots and some lettuce.

G is having some time with the kids today - one of his friends' daughter is having her first birthday. I really want to get this done, so I will say 'ciao' to the three of them and spend the afternoon with my ipod, my dog and the garden.

Am really looking forward to it!!

As for the ensuite - it's half done ATM; I still need to clean the walls etc. But, the cupboards look fantastic and the shower is sparkling. The big thing about the shower is to try your damndest to do it weekly. Then, once a month, I give it a doozy of a clean. So, the shower was the easier bit.

I'm not taking photos of my ensuite - it'd feel like taking photos of my organised underwear drawer. The wardrobe is about as personal as you're gonna get!!

G came home on Friday night which was lovely. The kids were so excited! We bummed around at home Friday night because the weather wasn't great - yesterday we took the kids down to the netball courts for a play and a big ride of their bikes (if you saw some of the hills around here, you'd also deduce that training wheels + hills = bad)...then came home and started the cleanup of our yard.

Last night was spent watching some DVDs whilst I ironed. G goes home tonight (he starts nightshift this week), so today will be some family time -then ME time!!! :)

Hope you're all enjoying your weekend.

Bits of this and bits of that...

I've been on a little bit of an internet hiatus. There's been a little bit of a breeze down here over the last couple of days, and unfortunately, we've been rather...err...powerless.

No damage though, so that is a good thing. I was driving home from work yesterday afternoon and as I was driving, there were trees down everywhere. As I continued driving, I started getting a little nervy - all I wanted was me and my kids at home together. Right then. We all got home and had no light - it was like earth hour, only an extended versions.

A girlfriend came over with her little boy. The kids had torches, we had red wine and candelight - it was a lovely evening. Sometimes, it's nice to really simplify things. It really showed me how ingrained the use of electricity is for me though. Even though I knew we had no power - I still put my mobile phone on charge. Stupid and deep - all at the same time!!

There's been a bit of a bust up over at an internet forum I used to frequent. I say used to, because, I left. It's all just too hard for me, worrying about this whole "he said, she said...oh no, but I didn't say that I meant this" stuff. Bitching and backstabbing and all sorts of childish things. People were truly hurt and I just said "enough".

Apart from that, not much else going on!! G comes home tomorrow, so we'll be a family for a whole two days!! Am looking forward to it.

Have plans to start on our bathroom tonight, but we'll see.