In lieu of post 100....

100 things about me (I won't say you didn't know them, because they are all probably scattered around here somewhere...)

1. My favorite colour is purple
2. My eyes change colour - mostly they are a green/hazel, but can go blue/grey
3. I am terrified of spiders
4. I have never left the country
5. When I am all zaney like, I clean. (Duh)
6. I used to get straight A's in English. Although, these days, it's more Engrish
7. I often feel as though I don't fit anywhere
8. I have attempted the dreaded 'S' word
9. I read. Everything. All the time
10. I am 5ft tall
11. Brown haired (but I have loads of foils)
12. I want 10 acres a little bit further out, but am not prepared to pay a million dollars to get there.
13. I received my first 'car phone' at 16 as an apology from my father
14. I have a secret crush on Robson Green
15. I get very chuffed when my garden grows
16. If my world is unorganised, usually, I'm doing really well.
17. I often believe that I am not worth a heck of a lot in the big scheme of things
18. I feel as though I am a chameleon and not real
19. I met G in a pub - a hippy pub at that.
20. I once got punched in the face by someone I never knew, and will never see again.
21. I was 'asked to leave' my first school
22. Three other schools said 'no thanks'
23. I ran away to Uni
24. I wish I could tolerate my sister. Or, at least, deal with her better.
25. My best friend in the universe lives in Perth.
26. I'm scared of 'Facebook'
27. I really don't want to relive my school days
28. My favorite time of day is 4am - 6am
29. I enjoy being alone.
30. I usually have accrylic nails.
31. I have little short fat fingers.
32. Sometimes when I'm nearly asleep, I feel as though I am falling, but am too scared to let it go until I hit the bottom.
33. I still get those 'Christmas Eve' tingles. And I'm 30.
34. I've only just realised what a mess I have made.
35. I have to put my couch cushions back every night before I go to bed.
36. I am not confident
37. I am passionate about animals - sometimes more so than children.
38. I am not religious.
39. My family tree is rather...icky.
40. I was happy when my grandfather died.
41. I don't like brussel sprouts
42. I adore snow peas & Broccoli
43. My favorite group of all time is the Cure
44. I can play Tori Amos on repeat for eons
45. Music is my life.
46. I don't watch TV
47. Sometimes I feel my opinion means very little
48. I have purple PJ's with frogs on them
49. I do businessy type work
50. I have worked for the family business for 10 years
51. My sister gets under my skin
52. My mother has a Wii - yet my kids don't. Neither do I.
53. I get restless often
54. Alcohol is overrated
55. My phone rings constantly with people I don't want to talk to.
56. I can be with 100 people in a room and feel completely alone
57. I can be a spoilt little cow
58. I can be incredibly selfish
59. I am desperate to be needed
60. Although not so much now.
61. An awful thing happened to me when I was younger, which I stupidly defined myself by.
62. I can slalom water ski.
63. I can drive a boat
64. I don't have a laptop
65. I don't want a laptop
66. I love summer
67. I dislike Winter the most.
68. I cannot do 'handyman' type stuff to save myself.
69. I work on a million dollar machine if I have no paperwork to do.
70. Sometimes, I just sit outside and ponder life.
71. I love my children far more than I love myself.
72. I flirt with people I don't know
73. My favorite song at the minute is 'Candy girl' by the Archies. It's 1963 vintage.
74. I walk 3kms every morning on my treadmill
75. I read my own tarot cards about once a fortnight
76. I secretly don't mind my husband working away (read #29)
77. My home is my castle.
78. My friends are incredibly important to me
79. Although they are incredibly few and far between
80. I truly believe that this is the end of the world as we know it.
81. I am terrified for my kids.
82. Once, I wrote a short story about a new years eve in 1900, 2000, and then 3000. And it scares me as to how accurate it was.
83. Postsecret is my favorite idea of all time.
84. I feel like a stalker reading blogs
85. But I so enjoy it!!
86. I adore carbs. More than chocolate and more than sex.
87. I am scared that I am not good enough.
88. I often feel as though I am being laughed at; that people can see straight through me.
89. I've made lots of wrong decisions
90. Some continue to haunt me today
91. I've never known how to knit
92. Because I am left handed.
93. My grandmother is the person I admire most in the world.
94. But, being a parent, is the person I am most baffled by
95. Every night, I wake at 12.03.
96. I'd love to go back to school, but have no idea what to do and why.
97. I will be working where I do forever. And sometimes it's the best thing; sometimes the worst.
98. My favorite flower is the Daphne
99. My blog means more to me than it should
100. I'm suprised I got here!!

Post #102 (D'oh!!!!)

Ha. For all that thinking and wondering about 100 things about me; I missed it. I feel precisely like the chick who has walked into a party 5 minutes after NYE and not realised how late it was.

I shall do that for my next post.

I put my photos up again last night; and, sad as I am, I like them.

I like having my house 'just so'. I don't know why; it makes me smile. Every time I walk into the kitchen at the minute, I just get a 'well done' kind of feeling. There's not much in it - but it makes me feel good.

Photos.

I probably should have taken 'before' shots; but trust me when I say it was completely half assed. I mean, this is no spent 7 hours measuring bizzo either; but it looks far better than it did.

Speaking of organising, I will show you, as a parting, our toy room. This is probably the epicentre of our house; it's our informal lounge room and flows off from the kitchen. I like the fact that I can kick stuff out of the way if people come over and it usually always lands in the room it is meant to live in.

I think this was about $120 from Officeworks in one of their sales. Best $120 I ever spent. I was in fact going to get two; but it would've crowded the room somewhat. And it beats the hell out of a toybox. They can have those things in their rooms.

How could you not want to be organised when you can wake up, quite easily, every morning to this? Nothing needing to be done; ahead of the 8 ball before you even start the day. I love it.

Busy busy busy

I have been busy. Cleaning, that is. Well, not even really cleaning. Ok, then, yes, really cleaning. And cooking. I made some dog food today and some muffins.

I stopped doing the organising thing for a few weeks; I just wasn't in the mood for it. But, a rainy afternoon, two kids napping; I thought I would tackle the meals area.

One Saturday morning, I got sick and tired of having all these picture frames around. I love my pictures and I love having them around me. But, they were everywhere. So, nice and studiously, I got a hammer and nailed lots of picture hooks into the wall. The result was okay. I didn't measure anything ( I don't do measuring; remind me to tell you about our new fridge someday) and it looked a bit wonky.

So, in cleaning the meals area, I have started looking at my photos. And I have even started measuring the picture frames.

It's going to look great.

As an aside; G is away until at least mid-August. Yes, it's a bad thing, but we're doing exceptionally well with this separation thing (surely you can tell by reading my blog!!) and the money he is making is incredible. He's home on Friday for a glorious family weekend. Home made pizza Friday night, then we're going to Healesville on Saturday.

It's the anticipation of him coming home that makes me realise just how much I miss him.

I'm nearly at 100. I've been thinking...... ;)

I'm learning

so it can't be all bad. My ankle made me feel as though I hit a big rock, after I had finally decided to jump off the cliff edge.

I'm jumping again though.

See?? 24 hours later...

I am currently knee deep in Deep heat. I was doing so well too!!!

This must be some sort of practical joke.

'You will sprain your ankle by walking to pick up your toddler; and then we will laugh and laugh - because you were really getting somewhere'

Sore ankle - sore mind.

Level 1 complete

I feel just like one of these at the minute. Complete, finished. Won't be long though, until a toddler gets his hands on it, turns it all upside down and throws all the colours out of whack again.

But, do you know what? I am nearly liking the challenge.

Already, I'm nearly up to 100 posts. After reading many a blog around here, it seems the general consensus is to post '100 things about yourself'. I'm debating. It's a big ask you know, and seriously; is there any point to it?

Oh, alrighty then. There's that argument out the window....there is no point to this entire blog.

I'll get my list started.

Changes...

I've had a bit of a play with my blog; we'll see how long it stays this way. My drawing is courtesey of paint. Please be proud of the fact that, not only did I load the page all by myself; but that I painted it all by myself too.

For a computer illiterate, I'm doin' alright.

As it should be.

We had a lovely long weekend here (actually, it's still kinda going!!). It was simple, but nice. I love simple but nice - no pressure, but so much fun.

Friday night I went out with some girlfriends to a margarita bar. They have cocktail Slushies and we had a lovely time. Lots of laughter, and lots of pretty coloured drinks!!

After dinner and drinks, we went up to a local pool hall that was around when I was a kid. Talk about changed!!! These days you have to scan your licence in and there are bouncers everywhere. We got there relatively early (hellooo, mothers of children vs 19 year olds..) and got a good table.

It was exceptional for people watching. And sitting there, sucking at pool, the people watching was incredible.

I remember going there as a teenager. Walking in, past all those tables (with all those people) and being incredibly aware that everyone was looking at me. They probably weren't, but such was my confidence back then.

Watching other 18-19 year olds in the same predicament was bizarre. I could see straight through them. See their vulnerability.

It really cemented something for me. If I could go back? I wouldn't go there if my life depended on it. Sometimes, in all the memory lane travel, some of the bad bits get missed along the way. That was one feeling that I will never go back for.

So, it was fun. 3 Tipsy mums, sucking at pool and not caring what other people thought.

An interesting point of the evening; one of the girls told the other two that her and her husband had a special friend they invited over every so often. I near on fell over; not at the act itself, but at the security of the act so to speak. I don't know if I'd be able to undertake something like that, and not feel differently afterwards. Maybe I complicate things too much, I don't know, but to me, that kind of situation leaves one WAY open.

Anyway. Saturday was a icky day for me; bludging around and doing a whole lot of not much. I looked after a set of twins for the morning (punishment), and then a nanna nap in the afternoon saw me up and at them.

My best friend came back from Perth for the weekend and, after numerous discussions about what happened prior to her leaving, we caught up. It was nice. The kids had a ball with 'Granny Linda' and G relaxed with her brother. It was as it should be in our world.

She left so suddenly that I am positive something is going on with her; but I don't think she wants to tell anyone just yet. But, she knows that I am here if she needs me, and that I have promised (as has she) to make more of an effort.

G took the boys to Sandown on Sunday, the V8 Supercars were driving around aimlessly, so he thought he'd take them to have a squizz. I was all set to go, but Poppy wanted to go, as did Uncle M; so it was a boys day out. Instead, I cleaned the house, had Yum Cha with my sister and mother, and then trotted off to work to get in front for a couple of hours.

Home to a roast, and a DVD watching night.

I hate banging on about 'what we did' - it's so maudlin and repetitive. However, it's these sorts of weekends that, for me, change things. The mindset that comes with these special times is incredible; so much clarity and certainty, all at the same time.

I heart clarity. It is something that has been lacking for a long while.

Wow.

This amazed and horrified me, all at the same time. Thanks Julie

Scares the hell out of me. I wonder what they'd look like if world figures were used???

How it feels to be new

I didn't intend on this entry being a great big 'blah'; but there is some stuff I would like to get down.

It's quite bizarre when you look back at your life - I mean really look back and see where you've come and why you took this path. When looked at objectively, through an adults eyes, how much of what you thought was the case; really wasn't?

I am going through some old baggage. 'Cleaning out my bedroom' so to speak. And, I don't think I've done it this thoroughly for a long time; if ever.

My journal is brimming with bits and pieces. Things that, for awhile, I'd forgotten about. Well, not forgotten; just pushed to the back.

And re-reading all of this has really been cathartic. Just reading the words, as though they were not mine, has taught me a considerable amount in such a short time. And, while I've got a lot of work to do, I can nearly put my hand on it.

I don't think I've ever written with such complete abandon before. Not even here. I think I would've started here; but so many people I know read this. I couldn't bear for all my insecurities and vulnerabilities to be made so....public? So, I talk in riddles and waffle around the point here; but when I reflect back through here, I know exactly what I am talking about (even if you guys don't! :) ).

I feel as though I am building up to something big. Not literally, and not earth shattering; but something different in my mindset.

Everything that is floating around in my head is starting to want to pull together to form a whole. And all I don't want seems to be hanging on more and more precariously.

If I were to write down the person I would want to be and what attributes I have, it would probably look something like;

I want to be a person whom is genuine. No cloak and daggers, someone who sticks to her guns and says what she means and means what she says. Compassionate, a good friend and all round decent person.

Caring, kind, sense of humor, ethical, strong willed & wise. Fit, healthy, together. I don't have big aspirations to be pretty or beautiful or any of that rot; I want beneath the surface to count. Obviously the weight loss thing is a 'on the surface' thing; but the results of such weight loss will provide me with so many more opportunities internally.

Funny though; when I write all that down, I picture someone like my friend Lex saying that she thinks I'm already all of the above. But the most important person to me doesn't quite agree yet. But, she will.

Say Cheese!!!!

I thought I'd put some photos up today as I have been severely lazy in that regard of late

Riley wanted some photos with him and his car;

Connor at Collingwood childrens Farm - he wasn't too interested in the goats that were in the same paddock.

Spiderman & Bob just before a dress up birthday party on Sunday

A few of the Vegies; so far they are coming along nicely!!!

Here's a photo from the day I planted them; it's quite nice to see that they are working really well!!!