The story of the goat

Has anything ever happened to you, that if you heard it from someone else; you'd never ever have believed it?

I was about 32w pregnant with C and happened to be loading Riley into the car to head home from mums. Mum had come out to say goodbye and we were nattering away in the sunshine. Normal day.

I heard a noise that sounded like a kid crying. It got louder and louder; but not in intensity, just that it was getting closer. Up at the T-intersection, was a guy walking past. With a kid. As in a baby freaking goat. Dragging it by the back legs.

Now. I should stop here and inform you of a number of things.

1. My mothers house is in definate suburbia. I mean, parks etc are nearby, but by anyones definition; this is suburbia. Please keep this in mind.

2. I (and my mother) are huge animal rights activists. Huge. Both of us happen upon stray animals quite regularly; all of our family pets have happened upon us. Molly, who was going to get drowned; spot, who we found in a wood pile etc etc. Any sort of animal cruelty makes me ill.

3. I am 32 weeks pregnant (and there is something about me and 32 weeks pregnant. Riley, I cracked my cocxyc and C, this happened and then 2 days later I smashed my face. I aint having more children for largely that reason alone!!)

4. It was rubbish day, so everyones bins were still out. Empty, but out.

Ok.

So, we see this guy walking up the road dragging a baby goat. After we picked our mouths up off the ground (after all, this is suburbia), mum starts yelling at the man to put the goat down.

He completely ignores my mother and keeps ambling along, with this dear little goat bleating behind him, dragged on his back.

My mother, instantly turned into a screaming harpie. It's like a switch for her; but she's screaming at the guy. I'm standing at the car with my son in his carseat gibbering away - he's got no idea what is going on.

Mum realises that screaming like a banshee is not working. She yells out to me to 'stay there, I'm going to call the police' and I'm still standing there dumbfounded that a freaking goat is being dragged up the road!!

The cleaner comes out to see what is going on and I think 'you know, I should just follow him and see where he's going so that I can tell the police where he is (you know, because the police are sooo going to come out sirens blazing over a goat being dragged up the road). I ask the cleaner to watch R whilst I follow.

I carefully make my way up to the corner, because I can't see him anymore. You know, I am a girl, I am 32 weeks pregnant and this guy could be an absolute nutter. (You know, just in case the dragging of the goat didn't confirm that).
k l;k

I see him as soon as I turn the corner. He's screaming all sorts of something at me and I'm just trying to get the goat off him. I plead, beg, yell and even offer to buy the freaking goat; just please stop dragging it along the footpath like that.

Dunno if it was a good thing or a bad thing, but Mr nutty goat man decided to take my advice and stop dragging the goat. Very swiftly, he picked up the goat and carried it to our neighbours recycling bin. And put the goat into the bin, takes the bin and proceeds up the road with a wheely bin with a goat inside.

I was utterly horrified.

I'm still following him at this point; far enough away that I could run (yeah, who was I kidding, maybe I could've rolled) away, but close enough to be able to talk (?) to him and see where he was going.

He was getting rather agitated at me at this point, and started telling me to 'Piss off'. I kept repeating no, I was not going to piss off until he either let the goat go, or give the goat to me. That the police had been called and were on their way.

He started roaring at me - I was this, that and the other thing; and not only that, he did have a gun and was going to shoot me. I didn't believe he had a gun (seriously, he was more looney than scary), and figured his aim was going to be fairly off trying to lug a wheely bin, a goat and himself up, what was starting to be, a bloody big hill.

He crossed through the park and stopped to catch his breath. I stopped when he stopped, after all, I wasn't out to be a hero - I just wanted to know where he was going. Anyway, he took the goat out of the bin and went into the backyard of a house opposite the park.

I was rapt at this point. He was in a backyard, he couldn't possibly chuck the goat over a fence or anything, and the police were going to be there soon (of course they were, a goat was being dragged!!). But, of course, the owner of the house happened to pull into his driveway at just that time.

The little elderly gentleman hopped out of his car and looked at me funny; after all, I was pregnant, hot, frustrated and standing out the front of his house. I told him that maybe he might not want to go in there just yet; because there was a lunatic with a goat (I know, can you believe it!!) in his backyard and he might just want to wait for the police.

Instead of looking worried, this 4ft little italian man went beserk. Screaming obscenties (well, I'm sure they were, they sounded like it!!) with 'He got my goat, I keeeel him, I keeeel him!!' every so often.

He abrubtly turned from me and marched into his backyard. And dragged this lunatic out on by his ear. It was the oddest sight I had ever seen; this tiny little Italian bloke dragging out this 6ft tall lunatic. But, the weirdest bit was yet to come.

There were TWO goats. Little Italian man, as it turned out, also had a goat. And he thought that 6ft tall lunatic had stolen his goat. What started off as a screaming argument between them turned out to be a Thanks, have a great day amongst the two of them. Little Italian man shakes his hand, takes the goat and walks inside, not even looking backward at me.

I'm standing over the road with my mouth gaping open. I literally cannot believe it. Two goats in the one street.

So, little Italian man has gone inside and I am left all alone with one lunatic and no goat. He marches over to me, grabs my shoulder and starts screaming about some girl called Sue at the RSPCA. I say nothing except 'you should NOT drag a goat up the road' and eventually he just gives up and shoves me away. He starts up the bloody big hill.

I'm ok, but am very hacked off at the police; I bloody told them he was a nutter. And, not two seconds after he leaves my line of sight, Keystone cops style, 3 cars come screaming up the road. I pointed out the direction he took and wandered back to mums.

On the way home I realised what an idiot I had been and howled until I got to mums. Where we waited for the police to come and take a statement. And waited. And waited.

We're still waiting.

Now. If someone told you that story you'd not ever have believed it. But, true enough; every single thing happened!!

Bizarre or what?!!!