Monday, December 21, 2009

Best laid plans go astray

We had such grand plans.

We had spent the morning at a birthday party and an afternoon at home, playing footy with the Christmas CD on, making ice cream cakes (and sundaes!!) and being a family. The kids were showered and in their PJ's, excited about Santa coming and all the fun the day would bring.

G had gotten Monopoly junior down; we were going to have home made pizza and a night of monopoly (although C was bound to get bored!). We all needed this reconnection and all were looking forward to it.

I had just put the kids pizzas in the oven when the phone rang.

'You better come and have a look'. He was fine yesterday! Very fat (lots of fluid, he was scheduled for a tap this week after seeing the liver unit), but sharper than he'd been for awhile. Surely he's not that crazy?

With a sigh, I put my oven mitt on the bench and told G. But I also told G that 'maybe we'll try and manage it at home. It's the Saturday night before Christmas; we're going to be in there for days'. Kissed the disappointed children (and husband) goodbye and thought I'd be back sooner rather than later.

I walk in and his eyes have rolled right back and he is drooling. Drooling!! My father is drooling!! He's talking to his dad again (who has been dead 12 years) and I had a passing hope that the bastard (my grandfather) would take him with him. As if.

We call the ambulance; a little more worried than normal, because it's been so quick. Off we go; mum riding in the ambulance and me following to meet them there. We get there and, of course, it's flat out.

Except this time we don't have to wait around. We are wheeled directly to a private ER room where he's hooked up to all sorts of machines. He's not responding to pain stimuli (or any other stimuli for that matter) and he's not concious.

They test, examine, test, examine and come in and tell us that he's suffering from enchelapathy again. Well DUH. But they don't quite know why it's happening so quickly this time. He's starting to struggle to breathe; they ventilate 'just to be safe'. They can't do a CT scan because he's too sick, so at this point they are assuming he's had a bleed to the brain. We are kicked out alot this time too; and very quickly it went from 'oh we're old hacks at this' to 'I think something is really wrong here'.

By 11.15, Alvin (the liver specialist who is someone we know, and initially we cannot believe our luck that he's the one on tonight) sits us down and explains that he has either one of two problems. A. the blood vessel to the liver has clotted (blocked) and we need to unblock it using warfrin (blood thinner). This is all completely reversible yada yada yada but that he thinks it's time to expidite the transplant profiling. They cannot stabilise him, so they are going to sedate him to A. assist with the stabilising and B. give his body some rest. Oh yeah, we think he needs a moment in ICU.

ICU? Fucking hell, what is going on here?

Alvin tells us to go home; they will not move him anywhere until he's been stabilised and that he will call if there is any change. The prognosis is promising, although, no committment is made to him pulling through.

I've called my sister in by this stage, and, as only she can, she falls apart. Dramatically as usual and she's wailing that he was talking to her yada yada yada. She is alarming Alvin, so we pick her up and walk down to the carpark. I am silent at this stage, wondering just what to make of it all.

It's now just past midnight and we're at mums just digesting what has just happened. Mum tells us all to go home and get some sleep, and I think this is all very practical. So, I get in the car and start home.

The darkness is comforting; I feel dark, so it's nice that the world agrees with me. I have no music on; just the humming of my brain is my company. I hear a noise and wonder what the hell is that? Turns out it's me. This gutteral wail is coming from my mouth, but I can't seem to stop it. It hurts to breathe, and it hurts to stop it.

I text my friend; there is no way I can go home to a house full of sleeping family. I turn up at her house and literally collapse. Her and her beautiful husband carry me inside, and just cuddle me until I can control this...noise. We talk for hours.

6.30am we are back at the hospital, but up to a whole new floor. The ICU unit is locked, with a speaker and a large waiting area. We are too early; wait 20 minutes please as Alvin has just come. So, as per hospital protocol; we wait.

Finally we are allowed in to see him. It is a mess; machines everywhere, 18 tubes coming out of his mouth and he looks peaceful. I tell Dad that he better not be staying on our account and that I promise to look after everyone. I then start to lose control of the gasping and have to leave.

Alvin comes out after awhile and sits us all down. This time, it's renal failure. Decent possibility of reversal, and some good drugs availiable, but they need to stabilise him before they will try them. They will divert blood from other organs to give the kidneys a foot in the backside. They won't wake him until tomorrow afternoon and re-evaluate; but at this point, he is soooo not coming home for Christmas. He'll be lucky to be out of ICU by then.

Relief. We won't be in emergency at least for Christmas.

We thank Alvin and go home. I've turned on auto pilot and get home to an empty house. I busy myself, doing stuff that I know I needed to do; but not thinking one iota.

Eventually the mask cracks and I am gasping again and my chest hurts. I go to bed, where I cry like I have never cried before and drift off to sleep, with my fingers crossed that he'll die in his sleep and this cruel disease will leave him alone forever.

9 comments:

Jayne said...

Oh Shel :( No words are adequate, suffice to say it sucks. I can't know exactly. But I'm sitting with my dad in hospital now, so I know a bit. Love & *hugs* to your dad and to you.

Lisa said...

There is nothing in this world that me or anyone can say to you right now that will change the way you feel for even a nano-second, but please know that while you are going through all of this, that you are in my thoughts. And I am sure I am not the only one. Much love coming to you my friend. Real true love.

hissychick said...

Oh Shel, I am so sorry.

Please take care, I'm thinking of you.

Jenn said...

Nothing I say will make it the tiniest bit better but it sucks. It's awful and I'm so sorry that you have to live it.

Much love to you Shel.

Anonymous said...

[u][b]Xrumer[/b][/u]

[b]Xrumer SEO Professionals

As Xrumer experts, we have been using [url=http://www.xrumer-seo.com]Xrumer[/url] for the benefit of a wish fix conditions and recollect how to harness the enormous power of Xrumer and adapt it into a Bills machine.

We also provide the cheapest prices on the market. Assorted competitors devise expect 2x or consistent 3x and a end of the time 5x what we responsibility you. But we maintain in providing prominent service at a debilitated affordable rate. The unbroken something of purchasing Xrumer blasts is because it is a cheaper alternative to buying Xrumer. So we focusing to keep that mental activity in mind and afford you with the cheapest censure possible.

Not just do we be suffering with the unexcelled prices but our turnaround occasion for the treatment of your Xrumer posting is wonderful fast. We intention have your posting done to come you discern it.

We also provide you with a sated log of well-heeled posts on contrasting forums. So that you can get the idea seeking yourself the power of Xrumer and how we be struck by harnessed it to benefit your site.[/b]


[b]Search Engine Optimization

Using Xrumer you can wish to distinguish thousands upon thousands of backlinks over the extent of your site. Scads of the forums that your Site you settle upon be posted on have acute PageRank. Having your link on these sites can deep down expropriate found up some top quality back links and genuinely as well your Alexa Rating and Google PageRank rating utterly the roof.

This is making your site more and more popular. And with this better in popularity as superbly as PageRank you can envisage to witness your place really rank high in those Search Locomotive Results.
Conveyance

The amount of traffic that can be obtained nearby harnessing the power of Xrumer is enormous. You are publishing your site to tens of thousands of forums. With our higher packages you may regular be publishing your position to HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of forums. Ponder 1 brief on a stylish forum last will and testament usually enter 1000 or so views, with announce ' 100 of those people visiting your site. Modern create tens of thousands of posts on in demand forums all getting 1000 views each. Your freight will withdraw because of the roof.

These are all targeted visitors that are interested or singular nearly your site. Envision how assorted sales or leads you can execute with this colossal loads of targeted visitors. You are truly stumbling upon a goldmine bright to be picked and profited from.

Keep in mind, Shipping is Money.
[/b]

GET YOUR INFERIOR BLAST TODAY:


http://www.xrumer-seo.com

Anonymous said...

It isn't hard at all to start making money online in the undercover world of [URL=http://www.www.blackhatmoneymaker.com]blackhat scripts[/URL], You are far from alone if you don't know what blackhat is. Blackhat marketing uses not-so-popular or misunderstood ways to build an income online.

Anonymous said...

Infatuation casinos? poke into this advanced [url=http://www.realcazinoz.com]casino[/url] consideration and wing it underrate online casino games like slots, blackjack, roulette, baccarat and more at www.realcazinoz.com .
you can also at liberty our additional [url=http://freecasinogames2010.webs.com]casino[/url] orientate at http://freecasinogames2010.webs.com and displace in unaffected folding spondulix !
another exhibitionist [url=http://www.ttittancasino.com]casino spiele[/url] within an eyelash of is www.ttittancasino.com , in render german gamblers, shoot in manumitted [url=http://www.realcazinoz.com]online casino[/url] bonus. so check this leading [url=http://www.omniget.co.il]online casino[/url] for free [url=http://www.casinosaction.com]casino bonus[/url] and 100's of online [url=http://www.thecasino.co.il]casino[/url] games.

Anonymous said...

Bonjour,
je suis nouveau ici j'aime vous lire ;)
je voulais vous remercier pour votre super site internet !
Bonne continuation
----
Nicolaseo, Rien de mieux que le referencement naturel.

Anonymous said...

オンラインカジノ アフィリエイト オンラインカジノ 評価 [url=http://xn--japan-ym4dobj1jwjxk6dc.com/ ]オンラインカジノ 評価 [/url] http://casinofaninjapan.com オンラインカジノ ボーナス