Statue or Pigeon

I believe you can be described as one of two things; a statue or a pigeon. A statue; you're being crapped on from a great height. A pigeon; you're doing the crapping from a great height.

I describe my days as either. And, once you work out which one you are and accept that, things seem to get easier and easier.

If I were to sit down and add up everything that has ballsed up, stuffed up, gone wrong, caught fire, unsettled, pissed off etc etc me over the last 2 years, you'd spin out. I swear you would. I've been under some 'bad luck' blanket for quite some time now; and I'm now more than ready to pass it on.

But, when you consider things like the cyclone, floods, fires etc; it's not that big a deal. But honestly, I'm getting REALLY sick of my life resembling days of our lives. On my christmas cards this year, I received a HEAP of 'I hope you have a BORING 2011'. And, you know what? So do I!!! But it's still not happening and so be it.

R had his fourth set of grommets in yesterday and all went well, as per normal. Except for vomiting all over the pathway that is. But hey, it could be worse; it could have been all over my car again.

G has broken 2 toes and is meant to start his new job in a week. Again, could be worse; he could've broken his foot.

I have not slept for at least 3 days more than 3 hours. It's KILLING me!! If it's not C asking some remote question about school 'Mum, in the library, are there books on spiders' or G 'ahhhoowwww it hurrttss' it's 'This is a high temperature alarm'.

I'm just past it. I'm tired, cranky and irritable. Don't shit me today, because I think I'd be capable of ripping your head off.

I know...

I am a terrible blogger type person; I say 'yes, I'm going to post more and more' and then just stop. Again. Except, this time, there's no 'Oh, I'm sorry I was at the hospital'.

This last year has been absolutely horrendous for me. Although, I have learnt so SO much. So, for this year, my new years resolution was about me.

No more navel gazing. No more 'yes sir, no sir'; and certainly no more doing things I didn't want to do. Life is shit enough without purposely making it worse!

So, the 'navel gazing' part. I didn't want to blog about everything that was wrong with my life; but at the same time; I enjoy the outlet and I enjoy being able to be completely uncensored. If I want to say 'shit fuck bastard' - it's MY blog and I can do that. Not that there IS anything wrong; but looking into myself so constantly is NOT a good thing for a person such as myself as I tend to get too caught up in it.

But anyway, I digress.

I haven't been able to get into 2011 yet; and it's almost half way through February. This year has just whizzed past and here I am; still waiting to get into the groove. The kids have though; C started school and R is in grade 2. We're getting another set of grommets for him tomorrow and I am back at work with a new girl to help me.

But it all feels weird.

I feel as though I am living someone elses life. As though I don't fit into my old life anymore. Like I have just changed SO much, had my perception altered so drastically; that nothing seems to make a whole lotta sense now. Like I'm meandering about a party, attempting to join peoples conversations without really knowing what they are about.

Sometimes, this makes me happy. I'm not stuck in a routine, nor am I thinking about much too deeply. And some of this is a good thing; everyone wants to grow and change right? But other times, the lack of the familiar makes me sad and I miss what used to be and how I used to just 'fit' into those conversations without asking what they are talking about.

It's not just me that has changed. Mum & Dad have changed, their relationships have changed and everything that was once their life together has changed. My sister has changed - and I'm not even going there. But, more importantly, I have changed and G has changed. And ours is one for the better. We're more about 'us' now. 'Us' being our nuclear family of 4. And the dog. And the cat. (you get the gist anyway)

I never realised that it were possible to feel so many different, conflicting, feelings at once. Where I can look at a person and feel such sadness, loss of respect; yet at the same time, such anger. And disgust.

I never realised the power that I had over my own life. And how powerful and strong I was capable of being.

March 4 is the first anniversary of fathers liver transplant. There has been happiness, sadness, despair & heartache. Laughter, hatred, loss and gain. And I wish I could put everything I have learnt into words, like the ever eloquent Jenn . But, instead, there is little of any substance; just a cut and paste mess of my incoherent ramblings about things that are so deep inside me, there are almost no words to describe them.

Back again so soon?

I nearly forgot my username it has been that long.

I debated keeping this blog; it has been filled with so many things that, a year later, do not matter in the slightest. But, it is what it is; so back I am.

It's been a HECK of a year. I feel as though I am a completely different person; and that things around me will never be the same.

It's not a 'bad' different; but it is different.

I am getting big into the Christmas thing this year; if I have nothing else, it will be a fantastic Christmas.

More to come. But, 2011, for me, will be about me and MY family. It's time.

Back to front

I'm up at 3am and am going to bed at 8pm. It's doing my head in, but I can't seem to stay awake!

On the plus side; I am catching right up on peoples blogs!

Boo.

Ok, so it's been awhile. I'm more than happy to be writing to nobody and I'm really happy to want to start blogging again.

It's been a big few months! We have moved, the kids went back to school, I went back to work full time and dad got a transplant.

The transplant and all it's glory since will be updated at my other blog 'Liverinitup' when I can muster that up - I don't want to live the two simultaneously anymore. They are separate issues and have different aspects of my heart and attention.

For now - some of the things we have been doing. And you can see that no children were harmed during the 'Liver Era'.

C had a Birthday!

R got his face painted (Duh)

R's first school concert!!

We went swimming
Put up the Christmas tree


Had a Boxing Day fire (in the old house!!)

Had a 'scary' Birthday Party (apparently they are Dry bones and King Boo out of some DS game)

Had a set of Tonsils out

Mum and I shared a Birthday

Someone got a bit tired riding his bike (with NO TRAINING WHEELS)

Made an Easter hat


Did some tree climbing at the farm


Teased life out of the dog on Easty Sunday

And Auskick started back (C is allowed to play for the first time!)

Going back through these photos has really shown me that it hasn't been all bad. In fact, some has been wonderful. Some of these times will always be remembered with a hint of sadness because Dad missed most of these - but at the end of the day, they are still times *we* had and even sometimes, had a lot of fun with.

I feel grown up. Settled, content. Not everything has fallen back the way it was before for me; not with family, some friends, myself.

But it's ok. The bits are still together and, in fact, they may be in a better place than they were before.

Finally; I do it

I have been wanting and wanting to come back here over the last few weeks, but you know what? I just haven't had it. Finally though, I write.

My life was so....overwhelmed by what was going on with my father (you can read more of that here) that I just didn't have it in me to do much of anything outside that.

Things at the new house are just lovely. There are boys the same age as the boys, they spend most of their lives outside!!

Most things are done; there are a few photos/pictures that I need to get time to put up, but instead, I've been pottering about the garden. I've decided to start making me a bit more of a priority and less of my father and what is going on with him. So, I have started walking again and trying to eat better; all being in aid of making me feel more 'able' and 'with it'. It's only early days yet, but I am slowly starting to feel better.

R turned the big 7 - it was a bit of a mess because Dad was in hospital that morning and his soiree at our house backfired a little when a set of twins couldn't come because she'd broken her arm; but he enjoyed the attention and his cake. He got a DS (finally he says!!) and has been enjoying it in small doses. I do not want him growing up with his whole life in front of the computer; being outside (I have learnt ) is good for the body and the soul.

C is off to his own hospital on Friday; we're getting tonisils out. After tooing and froing and upping and downing, we have reached the decision to pull them out. He gets nasty doses of tonsilitis regularly and the ENT is Dr Bernie - the same one who has done R's ears. So, there's a hospital stay for us Friday night! Quite frankly, I'm even half looking forward to it - there'll be nothing for me to do!

Outside that, it's all very same old same old.

Settling in

It's weird. We've been here a little over a week; and it feels like home already. This house has a great energy attached to it.

We have started to meet the neighbours. We're now in a court of about 8 houses, and apparently it's a lovely place to live with lovely neighbours right the way through.

There is Margaret & Eddie - a lovely Scottish couple who are in their mid 60's. He adores kids and seems very 'grandfatherly'. They have 2 daughters with children of their own and they love playing grandparents with them here; particularly as there are so many younger boys in the street.

Andy & Kate live across the road; they have 2 boys (Joesph and Peter) and I think they are a little like the Flanders' flock. Not that it bothers me - but it would be nice to have a couple like Mark & Di to have a few laughs with. Who knows, we still might.

There is Chris next door - I don't know much about him.

So there are more to meet and lots more to do.

It's good though; to turn into your driveway and smile at what you have.

I might even take some photos tomorrow; it's only been three thousand years.