Random thoughts 101

Random thoughts (in no consecutive order);

Why am I feeling so lonely?

Dad: Fucking doctors and guessing. He's off to hospital today we hope....*it's all good, it's all good*.....they've taken him off ALL his medication, what happens if he has a heart attack, how are they going to treat him now, what happens if he does need a transplant, OMFG my father is going to die one day, how will I cope with that....*IT'S STILL GOOD, IT'S STILL GOOD*

I wish to christ this flu would bugger off. I've missed TWO WEEKS off work, Riley's missed one week of school and now Connor is on antibiotics. I'm living within these 4 walls and it's driving me mental, but it's nice being a stay at home parent sometimes, no it's not, I hate it and want to go back to work, but there's nothing to do at work, so there's no point in forcing the kids back when there's nothing to be running back for...

Mafia bash was good; talk about complete talk-it-up to my girlfriend though!! They changed it all around and it was the more BORING night ever!! Although, we DID see Mick Gatto which was very interesting....

Why am I feeling so lonely?

How's Jenn going? Is she enjoying her beautiful little boy? Oh how I hope so. I hope that this is everything and more she thought it would be. I should send her a card, would that be weird, no I know Jenn would love it...

Why am I feeling so lonely?

I should really apologise to K for the other week. I am still mortified over it. I know she doesn't care, but it showed me a few things. Her birthday is coming up, I will sit down and write her a letter. I know she'll understand and I will put what I want to say down far better than talking to her with that meathead around. Next time, we should do something completely different.

Why am I feeling so lonely?

I SHOULD get a real estate agent in here and value this place so we can see what we are up for whichever option we take. But it needs so much WORK!!! If I start doing something, we'll slowly get it where we're happy to sell it. It doesn't REALLY need THAT much work; I know, if I keep ontop of everything, it will all be ok. I don't want to sell this, I want to keep it and rent it, but no, I want to sell it and go in without a committment, I SHOULD see a financial advisor, but I don't want to overcommitt, but I DO want to keep this house.....

Why am I feeling so lonely?

Work is quiet when I AM there. tick, tock, tick tock go the hours. There are A HUNDRED things I could be doing other than sitting here and doing nothing. Why am I working? Why don't I just go find another job? Oh, but if I do that, I'll break Dad's heart and J will resent me forever, do I really want that, I don't CARE what she thinks, but she's my sister......

I've been a very good girl and done a whole heap of baking; keep on top of that. It's easy, it's half fun and the kids love my banana cake. Only do what you can do though; no pressure and you'll want to keep doing it. You don't eat the type of things that are in the freezer, so there is no worry about weight.

Saving money; if we can save money, we can move to the next thing we want to do. Oh, swimming/electricity/rates/kinder etc are due? R and C need new clothes and G went away for the weekend? Oh yes. We'll start saving THIS week. Oh that's right, it's J's and G's birthday...Ok, next week....arrggh, we are NEVER going to hit our goal at this rate!!!

All these excuses over weight loss; for what? Do what needs to be done and you will have the results you want to have? But who cares anyway, it's only me and there are far more important things to be worried about right now; and I'll start tomorrow. Stop the woe is me and hurry up. DO SOMETHING and you will SEE SOMETHING. No, pills will NOT help you, no one would give them to you anyway and you already know what to do, you just need to put up and shut up....

Why am I feeling so lonely?

FINALLY some rain. It's annoying and it's cold and it's icky - but that rain is more than needed. I hope hope hope that this will be the year we get some half decent rain; I am secretly terrified of what happens if we run out of water. Please rain for at LEAST today. Pour down; just end up in the freaking catchments.

Why am I feeling so lonely?

Amongst many others...