Human Nature

Completely astounds me. I am at a loss to understand how some end up so bitter and twisted. I mean, I get it, but how does one go through life with such a sense of entitlement, arrogance and selfishness?

G is having a wonderful time with his work of late. I get so very angry at the injustice of it - I think that is why I have been feeling so fragile of late. I called a long term girlfriend on Monday afternoon sobbing for Australia - it certainly goes to show that everyone has a suprise or two up their sleeve.

I feel much better now; I think the swinging between happy, sad, angry (and boy, angry was there) and utterly helpless has worn me out. I feel things completely. I'm not ever just "a little" anything. I'm either so happy my head spins, or I am so angry that I can barely breathe. Feeling so many different emotions in such a short space of time is what is exhausting me.

It's all fixable; we are going to get what we should be getting without a doubt. If it's not sorted by Friday, we start court proceedings. And every hour that he doesn't get his entitlements - leads to more compensation by the courts.

But I am in the world of "you don't know who you're messing with" and "I'm just being a prick because I can" - and it's so not me. I am uncomfortable with the feelings I am feeling because of this person.

How does one get to a point in life where they are Amoral? Where that feeling in their gut when they are intentionally nasty doesn't make them feel the slightest bit ill? Or that they lay awake at night feeling badly for what was said/done?

Jenn darling, I am fine. Jules PM'ed me her number on Monday, and after reading the few PM's that I got; I just bawled. Having a good cry helped; I felt much better afterwards.

The cyst of hate that was growing inside me has burst and I feel 110% better for it. A day in the garden always helps too. And the fact that I have gotten snow peas from my seeds pleased me immeasurably.

Regardless of what happens; to let this incident ruin Christmas would just be wrong. So, onwards and upwards. Being right and doing the right thing HAS to stand for something - if that is not the case, I cannot believe it. If it's not, the world has gone to hell in a handbasket.