Sunday, January 25, 2009
I don't waste this child free time you know - I have things to do!!
Will recap when I am not falling asleep.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
Let me recap.
G has been out all night last night doing some changeover refrigeration type stuff. He gets home and asks me to quickly copy a file for him into his refrigeration (aka I have NFI what this program even DOES) program. I oblige.
Except, I copied it to the wrong place. And, I had no idea where I'd copied it to. And completely crashed said magical refrigeration program.
I felt sick. You know that pit in your gut; the 'I'm never going to eat again this ball of guilt is so big' type pit? That. Times about 12.
So, I took said computer into work and spent the day trying to fix it. Four hours later (I never said I was a computer technician) I restored it. Whacky doo me. G is happy, but BUGGERED (he'd not slept because he was worried about it).
The other day our air conditioner died. Upped and died. Of course, the following few days were high 30's, and of course we were meant to have 13 people over for R's birthday, and of course one of the four darling adult friends was 38 weeks pregnant and of course the ambient temperature that morning in the house was 28. But, it was a motor, thank dog. G pulled it out and got it rewound.
It was ready today. So, being the lovely husband he is, picked it up and put it in. Because, tomorrow, the boys are all off camping/farming for the weekend and leaving me at home. For three days. ALONE.
So, I get home from work, grab G and head to mums. Mum has this big 'oh we simply must have a birthday dinner for every man and his dog' and of course, it was Rileys big night. It was a lovely night and we got in the car and sang 'going on a bear hunt' the whole way home.
Get home and start organising the kids to leave first thing in the morning.
Notice a BIGGGG water patch in the roof. Look a little further; a biiiiggg bubble of water underneath the paint. G had knocked some float switch when he replaced the motor - water everywhere in the roof. How the roof didn't cave in is beyond me; actually, no, it's not - the water was in all the ducts.
6 BUCKETS later. And a float switch back in place.
Air conditioning water is THE most dirty, grimy filthy water on the planet. And, whilst my garden will tolerate it; my white laundry won't.
So, instead of doing all those little jobs you never get around to whilst kids are underfoot - I shall be cleaning up stinky, dirty, grimy, filthy water up properly in the laundry.
Oh. And my neighbours coming to do her washing tomorrow; her laundry is being gutted.
All's well that ends well I suppose; but I have NO fingernails left, and I'm sure my blood pressure has been going nuts all day.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
At 8am this morning, the drip would be inserted in an attempt to induce it further. Even on full noise, nothing. At 9am, my waters would be broken and it is right here, right here, I swear my body said "right. You want labour?? You've got it. 3.47 hours afterwards, after being 0cms dialated; he was born.
And so began one of the most traumatic things in my life.
Riley was an easy baby in hindsight. At the time though, it was the hardest thing I have ever done. Putting up and shutting up when I was as sick as I was; was the dumbest thing I have ever done.
For a long time, I felt as though I had failed. I left the hospital one night because I felt so claustraphobic I couldn't breathe. And, rather than tell someone I wasn't coping; I just left. I was always coming back; but they didn't think I was. I was not ready to be a mother; and not ready to show my complete and utter failure at it to a bunch of midwife strangers who thought they knew better.
But, he's 6 today. The soft soul of mine; the thoughtful, gentle one. The one who will, one day, break one womans heart. The one who will, one day, do anything for his friends. The one who, finally, tries so hard for anything he wants to reach. The one who can't accept failure; rather than fail, he just refuses to start until he knows he can do it.
My mother used to talk about loving my sister and I differently. And me, being niave, wondered how. Now I know.
Connor, I love passionately; angrily almost. He demands it in everything he does. He is passionate by nature. With Riley, I love softly, almost poetically. 'Tread carefully, else you'll tread on my dreams' comes to mind with Riley.
He starts school in two weeks and I am just so proud for him and of him. He's come so very far these last couple of years and tried so very hard to get where he is today. I love him for that. I love him for being the person I want when I am unhappy; the one who sits stroking your hair when you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.
My deep and meaningful boy.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
At least I know why. That's always a good thing.
Here's some of what I did this week;
With C's bedroom suite, we also got a bookshelf. That was always going into the study; because the study was just the FOULEST, most unorganised place in the universe. So.....
Finally started picking tomatoes yesterday. Only 3 cherry ones; I don't know WHAT is going on. I'm assuming the weather is partly responsible; we've had one green tomato for at LEAST 2 weeks; but the weather is only just now starting to heat up a tad. They'd want to hurry up; I want to pull that bed out (well, actually the entire vegie patch is getting pulled out and we are putting a tank in and shifting it all round a touch...) and start getting it ready for winter.
Monday, January 12, 2009
New year. This is where I will start waxing lyrical about how I'm 'gunna' do this, that and the other thing; probably much the same as I did here. Funnily enough; I think the same way. Goes to show just how much of a waste 2008 was huh??
1. Be more open. I shut myself off so well and so easily - often to my own detriment. Being shy comes across so easily as being elusive - and it really
concerns me to think people may think I am elusive or snobby. I have been doing very well with that; breaking out of my comfort zone. I have come a considerable way with this in particular in 2008. Obviously though; the more I give, the more open to being hurt I will be; but I feel more able to handle it.
2. Committ more time to friendships. I am horribly guilty of not maintaining friendships. I think that shutting myself off has something to do with it in the sense that I can't talk to anyone until my world is ending IYKWIM. I can't say "hey look, I'm sliding down this hill, wanna grab me a rope?"
I tend to be more "hey look, I've fallen in this hole, the water is up to my nostrils and is rising fast - wanna give me a hand??" I will give the world to anyone - but I also must realise that in order to be the friend I want to be - I have to HAVE the friends too. Like a give and a take. I'd personally feel uncomfortable if I were continuously opening up to someone, only for them to not say a damn thing about themselves.
Making BIGGGG effort here and it is true. An old friendship just might be re-established because of this and #1.
3. Simplify. Everything. My life, my weight, my reaosns for being. Everything.
Ahh, not so much. Definately DEFINATELY more I can do in this area; but I feel I have a much better hold on my mental health to enable me to go further with this.
4. Recycle more. Reuse more. At work, at home, in the car; life in general.
Slowly but surely; but this will be something that will NEVER be 'finished'
5. Communicate more. In verbal, written - whatever. Just get it all down and out.
I have kept this blog AND my journal for an entire year. My journal is a massive thing for me especially.
Basically, this year was a big learning curve. I grew up, so to speak. The magical fairies don't live in the bottom of the garden, and things aren't always black and white. Sometimes, actually, scratch that, MOST of the time - they are grey. Varying shades at that. But, I can't ever say 'done' - because these 'goals' are forever elusive and will never be 'done' in any sense.
This year, 2009, I want to put all I've learned into practice. And, I can't help but achieve that; because it's what I've been doing the entire time. I could go on and on and on, but I won't; that'd be too long a post and would probably incite sleep pretty quickly!!!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Had a ball. But note three things.
1. Putting sunscreen on your children does NOT mean that it will cover you in the sun.
2. Unlike the river, where there is no one around, you CANNOT be loud, raucous and lively at 2am in a caravan park.
3. Beach for a holiday is probably not the best idea when your firstborn is as scared of crabs as I am of huntsmen.
We had a ball. Loads of laughs, fun, sunburn and dirt. Nothing better. Except, maybe, the river.