G's away job is coming to an end. Three more weeks (at best), and he'll be back full time again.
I have changed so much in the time he's been away. It has been a great time for me to reflect, think; and put my priorities back into place.
It hasn't been incredibly difficult this time - the time has sped by without too much of a drama. Obviously the foot, Him, Craig, work...all of the bumps along the way have happened - but overall, things are good.
I love Winter, but it makes me sad. It's beautiful to watch, but I miss the hours left in the day. I miss a wine out on the deck while the kids play together. I miss steak and salad.
When I look back at it, Grant and I married far too young. I was 23!!! If anyone were to ask if it is a good idea to get married at 23, I'd say no. In a heartbeat.
That is not to say that I am not happy here, or regret my decision - because I don't. Even though I married early, the husband I have is worth his weight in gold (most of the time).
But, you miss so much. I feel as though I missed out on that chance to 'grow up'. I went from a teenager to 'grown up' in a few years. A massive few years, but I think that I went from one to the other without 'growing up'.
Things that I thought mattered so much; don't. Ten years later, things that I had spent the previous ten years worried about, beating myself up about, fretting about - none of it matters. It barely hits the stratosphere. Yet, I worried.
In a way, I feel as though 10 years of my life has been wasted. I spent the last 10 years thinking I had grown up - when really, I hadn't at all.
I know why I married Grant. I don't know if I feel comfortable writing that down just yet; but *I* know. And, I'm lucky; because it could've turned out so differently. But, I *do* love him like a grown up now; and I guess, that is what matters.
My kids. My darling, love till it hurts, passionate, funny, quirky kids. I always knew they were the best thing that ever happened to me; but I never knew why.
Now I know.
I don't talk about them much. I think that's because I don't like to share them. But, I will share today.
Because I'm still a kid (and toy story is OH so cool at this house); the kids and I do a 'thing' at night in bed.
Me (snuggling them down in the bed): 'all nice and warrrrrmmmm???'
Me: Ok. Love you
C/R: Love you more!
Me: Love YOU more!
C/R: To infinity and beyonddd!!!
That is how I love my kids. To infinity and beyond. That expresses it so much better than any words I could chuck together. It makes my heart bump every time.
I hurt my foot again yesterday. At least it was the other foot this time; and at least it's NOT the shoe.
I think I'm ready. I've probably said that a hundred times already (so much so, that one day, I might go back and label all the times I have said it!!), but I am scared this time. I feel like I am real this time; not just a journal entry.
I think I am finally ready to be a grown up.