Is it cheating if...

I just make this post an entire post about what Jenn said??

http://airfirewaterearth.blogspot.com/

I feel so similar. My life, mostly, is wonderful. I have a fantastic husband and two glorious kids. I am happy, healthy and we have created a life that, mostly, I adore. Something that I don't want to change for the world.

Yet - sometimes I still yearn. For the excitement and the adrenallin that was a life gone by. Sometimes my life is a big case of "is this it??" Is this what it's all about? Because, if it is, it's fucking boring.

I remember not 10 years ago where my life was a rollercoaster. The initial passion and curiousity; that heart fluttering every time he called and going out every Friday and Saturday night. Where didn't matter. Only that we were. We would laugh and giggle and meet up with hundreds of friends; and have a ball.

These days, it's more monopoly on a Saturday night with a few glasses of wine. What is with that?? Sometimes, I have this irrepressable urge to just flip out and go nuts for awhile. That is when I start getting so lost in my thoughts that I need to correct this overwhelming sense of melancholy - usually with alcohol. I say dumb things I shouldn't and ring people that should be long forgotten.

The next day though, I feel like a cyst has burst. Relief that, again, it has passed without destroying anything. That I have fought it off yet again - that irrepressible urge to just flip my entire life upside down and to see where I end up. Except, I could never do that. Not to the boys.

So, I get busy. Work until I am sweating like nothing else; mindless, numbing shovelling, digging and planting. Redirect that energy where it will be best used.

Which leads me onto my next topic. My backyard. It is clean, sorted and all planted out, ready for another season.

When we got back from our holiday, my poor garden was looking awful. But, working three days and specialist appointments caused my darling garden to take a slight backseat. Until this weekend.

Like a demon I sorted out the shed (in which G helped; otherwise, there'd probably be nothing left!!), weeded, turned over all the mulch, fed everything and planted some new vegies.

Looking at it tonight gave me such a sense of achievement. Which is far preferable to where else my feelings could have taken me.