Turning 30.....

Turning 30. It's something I hadn't really thought about until tonight whilst watering.

For the last few months, my friends and family are quite...funny about me not doing anything spectacular for my 30th. I've had constant "oh, so what are you doing for your 30th?" questions left, right and centre lately; and because I've said "not a whole lot; we'll go out for dinner on the Saturday night and go and see mum on Saturday morning" (Tis mums birthday too you see, what an excellent present I was... ;) ); I get these incredulous looks. Like "no WAY. You've just GOTTA do something for your 30th"

I do not. And I am not.

But. Turning 30, I have decided tonight is in fact a big deal. It is a huge deal; more important than 21 and nearly as important as turning 18. This age; 30, is the turning point whereby you become a real life grown up. I remember my mum when she was 30. I was 7. To put me into my mothers shoes and Riley into mine is really just too bizarre to contemplate really - but it's true. It's, by my definition - the beginning of being a real life grown up.

(Of course, I'm yet to turn anything higher than that; maybe when I'm 40, I'll see 40 as being a real life grown up but, until then...)

Being 30 is letting go of that beautiful stuff that memories need to be made of. To let go of them, to turn them into beautiful things to hang onto; to pull out and smile about. To start treating them gently and not trying to yank what they were into today. To do that would simply ruin it.

It is taking accountability for all decisions made to date. To take responsibility for ones actions; to in fact realise that one has ended up here for no other reason than oneself; be it good or bad.

I have an awful lot to be thankful for; and really, the last few days have, for various reasons, shown me a great big fork in my road of life. To infact know the grass is greener is one thing; but to really accept that is another. I chose this fork. I chose this and I chose who I have become as a result.

I think that is what I define turning 30 as. And I hope that these next 10 years are as filled with life, love, joy, heartache, sorrow and passion as these last 10 were. For, to live and feel nothing would be worse than not living at all.