What if???

I've been tagged by the delightful Mel for a meme.

The rules are as follows;
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. List 5 things that could make your life very different should it come true.
3. Tag 5 other people.

I've played 'what if' for the most part of my life, for various reasons. What if xxx hadn't happened? What if yyy had??? Whilst I do like 'what if' games - I have also become acutely aware of the fact that, playing this game too much makes you analyse things far too much.

Something I'm good at. ;)

1. What if I hadn't gotten into the car that day? (This is the most well worn what if in my entire world, but it's not one I have considered for awhile).
This what if could change me completely. If I hadn't gotten into the car, there is not a chance in hell I'd be the person I am today. Even more scary - I'd probably be like my sister. This one choice changed my life entirely. And, for a long long time, not for the better. But, after a great deal of time, I have learned that this choice has moulded me (nearly primarly it was such an impact) into who I am and what I stand for today. I don't seem to really want to know 'what if' to this anymore.

2. What if the festival a friend and I were meant to be going to didn't get shut down that night? I often wonder this too - because it was such a chance meeting, Grant and I, that I often wonder (not so much where I'd be) who I'd be with. Would I have had children with this person? Or, would I have continued on my path of self hatred and dramatisation; not having that one (ok two, Amy is another) person who has that ability to pull me right out of that deep pit with real things - all the while me knowing just how much they care?

3. What if I hadn't spent the last 25 years blaming myself for something I couldn't do a thing about? I imagine that what if is a biggie; because I'm sure I'd be a whole lot more carefree and a whole lot less worried about other people and my impact on them. Which, is a good and a bad thing; depending on how you look at it. Would I have had the ability to command an entire rooms attention? Having that self esteem - that ability to not care (to a degree of course) how your actions and words affect others? And having that thought be, generally a dominate thought in each and every one of your actions - lest you somehow, accidently, cause something else awful to happen?

4. What if I hadn't met the Coven? I'm sure I'd have necked myself. Ok, maybe not entirely necked myself; but I'd not be the stronger person I feel I am today. These adorable, lovely, true people; all from different walks, perspectives and values - lend me their strength and thoughts so willingly. These people are some of the very few who I know I could say whatever I liked and they would never judge. I love them and I can't imagine my life without them. I don't want to play what if with them. Because I fear the answer.

5. What if I had taken that sliding doors option all those years ago? Well, truely? I think I'd be in the same place (albeit cosmetically different i.e. surroundings, location, children) as I am now. And it's great to see that. Not only that, but it's even better to feel that.

I don't even know who to tag who hasn't been tagged already. I will tag Colleen - who popped her head in to say hello earlier. So, consider yourself tagged.

Amy, muser & Shannon make four. Everyone else I 'know' has been tagged. If you want to be tagged; consider this wish granted!

I await the answers.